THE 12 TENETS OF
DON’T COMPARE
We are all guilty of it. We compare ourselves to the person next to us in line at the grocery store or at church. We compare ourselves to our siblings and our friends. And often the biggest comparison of all comes as we scroll through social media posts. But we don’t only compare ourselves, we compare our children to other children and unrealistic benchmarks. Why aren’t they athletic like that kid, the top of the class like that kid, reading when they were four like that kid, potty trained at two like that kid. The list goes on and on and on. But here is the truth . . . comparison is a thief. It is a thief of joy, of contentment, of reality. It destroys the rights our children have to figure out what they like and to be fully and unapologetically themselves. And it keeps adults from seeing the amazing people they are. Comparison is the thief of everything.
EMBRACE BOREDOM
Boredom begets creativity. Boredom gives the mind time to pause and wonder, to go places it would never have the chance to go if it were overscheduled and overstimulated. Encourage boredom. Resist the urge to offer suggestions to the inevitable “but I’m bored” and you’ll be amazed by what a child discovers.
GO OUTSIDE
A happy childhood requires the freedom to play in the creek, feel grass beneath your bare feet, soak in the rays of sunshine, catch raindrops on your tongue, listen to wind rustle the leaves of the tree, and learn that the smallest bug is as important as the lion or the elephant. Being outside gives children space to imagine, ponder, play, and be. There are gifts of life, growing, and learning that can only happen in nature.
GUIDE
Children are made good! Discipline often gets a bad rap and at worst it can be is harmful. But discipline means to teach, not to punish, and children need consistent and reasonable discipline as they grow. Knowing what to do when things don’t work the way you think they should (or want them to) is tricky. Figuring out how to express yourself when you are sad or mad or disappointed can be overwhelming. Children need someone who is committed to walking alongside them when their feelings are too big and the world feels overwhelming. They need a GUIDE to give them tools and skills and boundaries to live in harmony with others and themselves.
JUST READ
We all want our children to read. But this desire, compounded by social pressure, is pushing our kids to read at younger and younger ages and at levels that are not appropriate for their development. This is leading to a generation of children who are losing confidence in themselves and their ability to read, who begin to dread arbitrary reading requirements, and who may never learn to love language. It’s on us to right this ship and the best way to do this is to read to our children. Reading together, sharing stories, and experiencing oral language through storytelling lay the important groundwork that inspire children to love reading in their own time. These things introduce children to the rhythm of language, expand their minds and enhance creativity, give them uninterrupted time with you, and will inspire them to want to read. Put down the flash cards and the worksheets, ask them to tell you their story, or simply pick up a favorite book and JUST READ.
SAY NO
We are all overburdened and overscheduled. The easiest solution is one of the hardest: simply SAY NO. Say no to extracurriculars that aren’t passions, which fill your free time and stress the logistics of your household. Say no to overburdening children with assignments, homework, and an endless battery of standardized testing. Now more than ever, for their well-being and to allow them to experience joy in their learning, children need us to SAY NO.
SAY YES
The world is full of no. But why should we be? Why do we jump to “no” so quickly when saying yes can open a world of possibility? Say yes to wearing a costume to the doctor’s office. Say yes to singing Christmas Carols in July. Say yes to one more story. Say yes to painting your fingernails, the occasional dessert for dinner, games, spending a weekend in PJs, and that haircut that they want.
SAVOR THE MOMENT
Childhood is made up of extraordinary moments that we often mistake as ordinary. Enjoy the morning cuddles full of bedhead and little bellies busting out of their pajamas. Relish in the excitement that comes from seeing a bug, jumping in a puddle, learning to do something new, or building a fort. These childhood days are fleeting, and you will never be sorry that you spent more time being present with your children at home or in the classroom. Resist the urge to constantly photograph and post what children are doing so that you can experience it fully first-hand. When you allow yourself to soak in the little things, to really see what a child is doing, you will give yourself the gift of a lifetime of memories to cherish.
SING
The songs you sing with children form the soundtracks to their lives—they’ll remember the impromptu concerts in the living room, the off-key but joyful duets while stuck in traffic, and how free and unrestrained you were while sharing the songs that bring you joy. The songs we learn in childhood remain in our souls our whole lives long. So sing songs that make you happy! Sing songs that fill your soul. Sing songs that bring a smile to your face. SING and the children will, too.
TRUST THE PROCESS
Children are made to learn! They want to explore and touch and test things out. They need to move and climb and run. They love to talk and wonder and question. They deserve spaces that allow them to do all these things and adults who invest in understanding how to best support them. Children were designed to develop exactly the way they each need to. The sequence of development is the same, but the time spent in any one stage or area should be determined by the child and respected by the adults so we can step out of the way, take a deep breath, and TRUST THE PROCESS.
UNDERSTAND PLAY
Play is the most valuable and important work children do. It’s complex and meaningful. It teaches empathy and kindness, problem-solving skills, patience, how to handle frustrations, disappointments, and successes. It teaches them how to take appropriate risks and to listen to what their body is ready to do. It encourages ingenuity and experimentation. Time in play allows the child’s brain to process information, to unpack the learning and teachings of the day and make sense of them. The most authentic and important learning comes through play. UNDERSTAND PLAY so you can value it and protect it.
UNPLUG
Unplug yourself and don’t plug in the children. Screens are hijacking childhood. They can’t replace a story read by you, the feeling of satisfaction from climbing a tree, or the fun of a game of make believe in a mud kitchen. What screens do is create distance from those we are next to, expose children to images that their brains are not designed to process and their hearts are not prepared to handle, and suck away the care-free years of childhood. Screens create a barrier to the vitally important task of nurturing social interaction, empathy, and humanity in our children.